You can’t date until you’re both sure it’s over and you’re not harboring a secret desire to get back together. You need some time and space to fall in love with yourself again first and foremost.
You might not want to talk to your ex about your current dating plans, but if you’re not divorced yet it’s the most honest thing to do. Factor in a little pamper time or even a weekend break here and there to give yourself time to heal. If you’re still hoping to get back together with your partner, or still dealing with a lot of sadness and bitterness surrounding the separation, you’re not ready yet. It’s a huge step, and it’s only natural to feel some hesitation.
My divorce is amicable and I maintain a good relationship with my ex.
There’s no love there though, we’ve clearly moved on. I have my stuff together…own my own place, pursuing an MBA, good job, do the best for my kids, and I’m in a good place right now.
What you have to keep in mind is that separated is still married until the divorce is finalised and that means that there’s likely to be emotional as well as legal ties.
One woman proceeded to tell me “recently divorced people are somewhat unstable emotionally”.
And when that happens, it’s anything but smooth, simple, and unemotional. That’s wear and tear on your relationship that would never have happened if Ben had wrapped up his divorce before you two started dating.
Even if that doesn’t happen, a divorce, no matter how civil, is nobody’s idea of a good time. So, yes, in a perfect world, people would conclude their previous relationships, paperwork and all, before entering into new ones.
People often wonder about dating someone who is separated—not officially divorced. I have been separated for over a year, with young kids I have half the time.
Read this email I received from a reader who is having problems in online dating because he is separated–not officially divorced.